walk in my life.

TIRED LIKE THAT.

2009-08-12T08:52:00.002+08:00

Project: Overload is currently a big success. Yipee. =x If I see anymore of marcom during the holidays, I would rather hang myself and die. AND I NEED TO STUDY STUDY STUDY for medsoc <3.

p.s. On this fateful night when I cried for help, no one came to me. On this fateful night I reached out my hand and you gently touched it, warming up my cold and locked-up heart...

Anger Manifest

2009-07-18T15:08:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, just because you're rich doesn't mean everything.
Sometimes, just because you're a girl doesn't mean everything.
Sometimes, just because you can cry doesn't mean everything.
Sometimes, it's not just about you, it's about other people.

I don't feel one bit apologetic. Because I have had to tolerate and bear with you for the past 2-3 years and I don't see why I don't have the right to rebut you. I have lived in silence and I have no idea why. You're not even older than me. In fact, the only reason why I tolerated was merely because I was still Vice-President and I didn't want to seem like a fucker (like you do), so I managed to control myself. Now that I'm no longer in the same school in you. I don't see why I have to tolerate your "princess" attitudes anymore. It's not cute and neither are you. You're not my daughter, mother, sister or best friend. Beats me why I should bother about your feelings. Yes, I'm a bitch. So what? WHAT CAN YOU DO? Like I've mentioned before, I don't bitch about people unless they step on my toes, then I will return it back 5 times more. By counting, I should be giving you back x23432433264237432 of bitchiness. But it was your advantage that I merely refuted you. And what's more, it had nothing to do with you. NOTHING. You are in no way, his daughter, mother, sister or best friend. And I wasn't even scolding you. So what makes you think you can talk to me and criticize me? In fact, I should have demanded for EVERYTHING you did when I was in secondary school and naive enough to believe what you say. Everything is a lie and you're a two-faced whore. By the way, stop calling other people stupid. They have the looks, it's fine to be a bimbo. You don't even have the looks, so reserve the word stupid for yourself. Wow, so many years of pent-up anger is flooding out all at one go. I feel so much better after reprimanding you here. I doubt you even come here. It's better if you do, so you can reflect on how pathetic you are as human being and what a shitload crap kinda friend you are.

p.s. Stop sucking up to people and fawning over them. It's gross to watch you whine and act cute in front of other people. You only suck up to people who 'play the game' with you. Which means, at the end of the day, you're still as childish as you forever were.

p.p.s. Iffah Rakinah still has not emailed me the reply to my story. I love Lou because cameras rock. And I love being random. Peace out.

Now I'm Done Believing You

2009-07-12T21:05:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life, many things happen. Things which are beyond our expectations and predictions. That's because all of us are verdant. We're not some 10,000 year old hags who have seen almost everything in life. I'm know for being a quidnunc, thus I have known quite a lot of gossips and all. Therefore, hearing about certain events that took place to other people allowed me to see the world clearer. To open up my eyes to more things. To be more wary of what happens around me. Especially when it comes to people. We can change everything. But one thing we can't change is human nature. All I want to say is that, when misfortune befalls on us, don't be grey. Tilt your head up and be happy. Imagine rebirth. Redeem yourself from what seemed to have dragged you to depths of sorrow. Think of it as some form of ressurection. From what happened, you learn more about people and relationships. It's like when you're playing with a knife. You won't experience the pain until you accidentally cut yourself. I'm not digging you. But I want you to know that if it hurts and you really can't take your mind off it, just cry. It's probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Having the innate ability to cry is the best thing anyone would want to have. At least it proves that we are still humans afterall. Don't hold it all up there. It's unbearable and you know it. I've tried worst ways of trying to let it out and you won't want to do it. I may not know what happened, but I know I don't like what's happening to you now. Because it's not helping you at all. Please, I beg of you. Strengthen yourself and calm down. Stop thinking about it and move on after you've cried. Life happens when you're in the middle of making plans. You can't predict the future, I know. But you can rewrite the future by being a better person and prove that you can live a better life even without the person. As a friend, I implore you to take my words into consideration.

p.s. The above post is dedicated to my beloved friend.

p.p.s. To my dear friend, rainbows appear after it rains. Remember?

Oh God.

2009-07-03T10:32:00.002+08:00

I wish there was such a thing as command+f for textbooks. Or better yet, digitize all textbooks so it'll be easier for homework. =x

p.s. This is with reference to the medsoc quiz.

You See...

2009-07-01T12:41:00.004+08:00

As you all know, the recent spate of events about the FMS GG blog has been pissing a lot of people off. Finally unable to contain how I feel, I decided to blog out my opinions about him/her.

I know, the blog has definitely brought fun, laughter, peace and joy to many of us because basically, we're all going to the blog to read the comments, not the post. However, the posts are getting more ridiculous by the day.

This is to my dearest, beloved GG, (if you get the pun)
Private incidents are surfaced and many people are getting hurt. I don't get the point of you doing this to everyone. I mean, come on, face the fact. Would you love it if your shameful act (if you have any) got splashed all over The Straits Times? You won't right? So why bother going through all these trouble and getting yourself an angry mob who wants your life? Just stop posting about all these matters. It's up to people if they want others to know or not. You do not have the right, or better yet, you don't play a part in their life. We're not puppets for you to control. You do not get to command us. Yes, you can "threaten" our lives with the past, but I'm telling you, people will remember you as someone who's heartless and accusative rather than remembering your "victims'" acts. There are many things you have yet to understand, neither do I. So I don't see why you do all these disgraceful acts. Because if you're trying to act like a baby, drop the act. You're just turning into a total zit to all of us. I'm telling you. There's nothing, NOTHING AT ALL, to what you're saying. To be honest, it's like as if you're from planet Mars and you're speaking gibberish. What you attempt to do will not affect the relationships between friends. It will only strengthen their bonds. You're like a knife trying to cut the flow of water. But, no matter how sharp your knife is, the water will forever be flowing as one. Even if it did separate, that would be for 1 second. This goes to show how pathetic your little acts are. It's been quite some time since I posted up my opinions about other people. But today, sick as I am, I feel that there is a need to let others know how ugly your heart is. I feel that, there is a need for YOU to see how ugly YOU look. If you've sensed all of the angst of people and still feel nothing, I applaud. Because it goes to show what a "good" actor you are. It's my turn to say...

XOXO,
Gossip Girl.

p.s. I used to be GG in my secondary school. But purely created a blog to vent my anger in it. I would insult the person in my blog. However, the blog is made private. Meaning it was for my eyes, and my eyes only. Guess you're just that desperate to get attention, huh?

p.p.s. I won't post up the blog link, because it would only create a bigger ripple in the water. All I want now, is for the water to calm down and for it to stay stagnant.

p.p.p.s. This post looks boring without colours. Oh well, all my posts are like that right?

p.p.p.p.s. I bet you won't even be able to find this blog and read what I said. Because ultimately, your network is really small and definitely really pathetic. Au revoir~

Heed My Words

2009-06-29T21:34:00.001+08:00

Love is like a breeze. Before you realize that it has started, it ends. So what if it tastes sweet in the beginning? There's no sweet that lasts forever. Ever for a chewing gum, it will come to the time whereby it tastes bland and there'll be no flavour to it. Savour what you have now. Because if you don't, you might get too heaty and accidentally bite your tongue and bleed. Would you want that? Not in the slightest right state of mind. It's never possible to foresee the problems in a relationship, just like how you will never know what's the taste of a sweet like until you try it. But when the flavours starts to gush down your throat, you might choke on the overwhelming feeling, and end up spitting the sweet out. Now, my dearest readers, my point here is that you should cherish your relationships and don't damage it, regretting it later. It's like eating a hard sweet. If you suck on it, you would be able to enjoy it as long as it lasts. But, if you insists on biting it, you will be saddened when it ends. Therefore, never do something foolish and brush it off with words like "mistake" and "sorry". Because in life, there's no such thing as Command/Ctr + Z. Once you film it, it's done, you don't get a reshoot. It's one of those shots that you're not allowed any mistakes. Thus, don't make the wrong move, winding up in an unexpected predicament.

p.s. Unable to change the current situation you're in, you would...

ENOUGH.

2009-06-23T01:21:00.000+08:00

YOU ACTED LIKE A TOTAL DRUNK FUCKTARD.

FLY~

2009-06-18T21:36:00.001+08:00

Going away for camp, miss me yeah :D

Would it?

2009-06-15T06:41:00.004+08:00

Would life still be the same if I chose a different path to walk? I guess this is time of the year when I get struck by loneliness once again. I'm always losing sleep due to that I guess. Maybe it might justify for the emotional outbreak I had that day. I don't know. I don't even know the people around me I guess. Everything seems to be within my grasp, but they slip away when I try to hold them tight. It's like sand. You can feel it, but you can never grab hold of it.

I wish everything would be imaginary. At least in that case, I would be able to live in my own little make-believe world and live happily forever. But, if there was to be no sadness, how can I feel happy in comparison? I guess we're all just made in such a way that all these will happen to us. We wake up in the middle of 3am, unable to catch a wink, can't stop thinking about a lot of things, want to break free but you can't and desiring to end it all.

Life after death seems pretty feasible for me I think. It's sad when you know your life is over, but you see that glimpse of light knowing you have 5 more days to fulfill your wishes.

If I had the 5 days, I think I would do this on each individual day:
- Kiss measly on the lips. (I have no idea why, perhaps I still miss the feeling?)
- Hold delicious water tightly.
- Play and joke more with asses.
- Say goodbye to delicate belts and riceball.
- Meet kitty purry and say I'm her no. 1 fan and she rocks.

Yes, I know. Whatever I type don't make any sense to you. But, if you really know me well, like a super duper kuper quper buper guper tuper cuper ruper fuper muper juper huper nuper luper vuper xuper puper wuper zuper best friend, you would understand what I'm referring to for the list above. Besides, it's 7am now. Nothing is supposed to make sense at 7am since it's lala land time for most human beings. As for me, I have to kill another 2 hrs before getting my arse out of house and meeting Mr Lim for script approval. I pray that it will get through.

p.s. The first part of my post sounds like a will, does it not?

p.p.s. What is wrong with my brain and me?

p.p.p.s. Selfish me, I want it all.

p.p.p.p.s. And wow, it's been quite some time since I blogged such a long meaningful post for myself.

If...

2009-06-15T06:30:00.003+08:00

If you died and you were given 5 days to do what you want, you would...

Life!

2009-06-14T15:56:00.002+08:00

As you all know, I have been unable to blog recently due to the spate of events. I have crazy things like common tests and I have lots more to cover. I have a dance performance coming up and our rehearsals are really really limited. It should be less than 5 if I didn't calculate wrongly. Nevertheless, I will push myself and my group during this 5 reherasals. Afterall, pushing is what I do best. Oh well, going to enjoy myself on the stage that night. It's all for fun and joy. No idea why the atmosphere would be so intense and why would it be insane. IT'S PURELY FOR FUN~JUST FOR US TO DANCE OUR BRAINS OUT. WAHAHAHAHA! Ok, that might have sound a little bit insane. Still, I won't be able to churn out much for now because I have been deprived of sleep for the past few days and I have to use my brain cells on my dance and scripting instead. Sorry~(not that anyone is stalking my blog except me)

p.s. Is it all over yet? End it now or it will spread like a wild fire. You know you should never play with fire. When the time comes, you will understand what I mean. Stop before it's too late. Blood and pain will seep in if all is not undone in time.

Answer this in the tags.

2009-06-10T12:11:00.002+08:00

Sitting in the toilet cubicle makes you think about...

Earth To Ass

2009-06-02T09:06:00.001+08:00

Dump that bitch, would ya?

p.s. You know I mean well.

I say what?

2009-05-28T16:13:00.003+08:00

WHAT?

I have been M.I.A. from my blog for so long. For a minute there, I thought I died. Do you know what I'm doing now? I'M BREATHING LIFE INTO IT.

Yes, I know that sounded ridiculously retarded. Oh well, moving on~
Work is piling up and it just keeps on getting higher and higher. If you realized, this line was actually mentioned long ago as well. Days in poly pass by so quickly I didn't notice that this is already the end of my 6th week in NP. [At this moment, I am currently cursing Mandy under my breath.] But, I shall neutralize that for the fact that she's helping me and she's being such an angel. Sorry if I don't make sense in my sentences, like I said, HOMEWORK. They kill and they zombify you. You will work until late nights [not that you're not already doing that], and then make you message everyone in the middle of the night [again] to find some fun and swipe the boredom away.

I look forward to school mainly because I can eyecandy and because I'm in NRA. The only problem is - eyecandies cannot be "eaten" and NRA's trainings are tough [or so I heard]. Sadly, Doreen won't be joining me today because she's sick. D: On the up side, LOCVDP is getting stricter, but I like it. Like Jeremy said, if I don't get any criticisms, I can never learn anything from the class. Besides, lessons are always fun and I never fail to enjoy myself with the amount of entertainment we receive in class. I have to brag, our LOCVDP class is just pure creative. I mean it. It's like a collage of all the creative mindsets.

As I'm typing this now, time is slipping through my fingers and my consultation for GRACOM is tomorrow. I got my sketches/sketch done up, but I'm just not sure if it's good or worst, presentable or related to the "Bauhaus" theme in the 1st place. Now I'm the one in need of enlightenment. Drawing is definitely my thang, but drawing according to requirements and explanations is just not my forté.

p.s.
What do you do, what do you do?
When everything is broken?
What do you say, what do you say?
When no words fit the moment?
Coz you're not here and even if you were all I could say
Is what do I do, what do I do?
We're broken but I can't throw us away.

No Regrets.

2009-05-17T19:52:00.003+08:00

Even though I have to agree that I hate most of the things that I'm involved in now, I'm not regretting it. I chose this path myself and I believe that time will come when I ace my modules. There's so many assignments, projects and tests coming up that sometimes, I doubt if I can even do it. But it's because of the friends and classmates that I know, that gives me the strength to continue this. I can submit sloppy work in the beginning. But my battery is charged to 100%, I promise you that the lazy me will be gone for good. This course is competitive, that I have to agree. And I can't afford to lose out or get eliminated if I want to have a bright future. I know it sounds as if all these is a war, but it's not. It's reality and I'm not being bitchy or ambitious. I'm merely being factual so that we can stop living in our own la la lands and wake up. To survive, you have to be strong and independent. Otherwise, you're just a kid rather than a 17-year-old.

p.s. My first milestone - thinking less and concentrating more in class.

p.p.s. Sorry I'm absent from blogger for so long. Viruses are attacking me like nobody's business and for a minute there, I thought I had h1n1. =x

p.p.p.s. I feel like it's time to change my blogskin again.

Test is Over~

2009-05-12T10:37:00.001+08:00

Weee! I just finished my test and it's freezing in here. I'm waiting for the rest of the people :D CLASSMATES, GOOD LUCK AND GAMBATTE!

Meanwhile, I shall facebook. LOL.

Do You Feel It?

2009-05-07T17:09:00.002+08:00

FEEL THA STRESS!

I don't feel it mentally or physically yet, but I feel it psychologically. It sucks! You have so many assignments piling up day by day and life is not getting anywhere better! I panic almost every single day due to the worry of pop quizzes or lost items. I tend to misplace things more and more nowadays. I really have no idea why. It's like I must be paranoid for at least once a day. Panic is seeping into my veins and bones slowly. This is called life. It's no wonder they say O's is nothing. It's because the study and homework is not as stressful as this! You can't afford to fall ill. It will cost a lot of your time to catch up. I mean it. I need to balance my life out. Slack is occupying a major portion of my life. I need to tighten my shoe laces and pull my socks up. Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to LOCVDP: Project Vending Machine.

p.s. I like the way you smile.

Major Whatever

2009-05-05T08:59:00.000+08:00

Still a jackass I see.

NRA

2009-05-04T22:56:00.004+08:00

I pray hard that I can get through. Tonight was really my everything. I won't say my climax, but I pushed myself too hard, resulting in sprains and strained muscles and injured parts of my body almost everywhere. I seriously hope I can get in. I mean, I'M LITERALLY DYING TO GET IN. Similar to the show I watched few years back. "I must, I must, I must increase my bust." Get how serious I am about this? If I didn't, I might just jump off the building. Haha! Kidding. I won't. But I will not stop trying. If I can't get in this 1st one, I hope the 2nd would be luckier for me. Results are up on NRA's blog by Sunday. Wish me luck babies. You know I want this like I want you. Lol!

p.s. It might not have been such a good idea from the beginning. Now, I don't know if I feel guilty, sad, jealous or happy when I see you.

Salvaged!

2009-05-04T16:20:00.004+08:00

Guess what! I'm bringing you good news! No, I'm not going up TV and neither did I just get a million bucks.

I managed to get back my remaining files from the HDD after the 1st spoil! I'm happy, to even be able to get those pictures back. Although a quarter of my life is still at large and there's most likely no way for me to get it, I'm still glad I got these back. Congratulate me! Teehee. Luck is all I can count on even though I have been having so many accidents recently.

p.s. Seeing you today shocked me. I never thought you would still smile when you see me.

My Life Is Over

2009-05-03T10:38:00.003+08:00

This time, I think it's seriously screwed up. It hinted to me twice to back up my files, but still, I didn't. After the reformat for the 1st time, it seemed to work. So I transferred the remaining files from my sister's hdd to my own hdd. However, it did not allow any action to be done to it. So, I downloaded this program called NTFS-3G which supposedly would allow you to transfer files to and from NTFS hdd. And miraculously, it worked! I transferred the files to my own hdd then. At the time, I still didn't back up any files in my own computer. Now, I believe it is completely ruined. Without being able to access into it and copy my files, I think the entire hdd is just dead. All the photos which I managed to salvaged must be gone as well, I believe. What's worst, I don't even know where is the receipt for the hdd, meaning I can't go to warranty. I just hope that my friend can help me with it.

p.s. I really wish you were here so I could cry into your shoulders.

p.p.s. I just want to scream it all out, but I can't. There really is a missing piece in my heart right now.

1953 Latour

2009-04-30T18:20:00.005+08:00

It's been a hectic week, I can tell you that. Life has been hell and I've been through worst. It's time I get down to serious blogging, which comes back down to current school issues?

Moving on, I find it unbelievable that I actually let myself be so gullible. I actually let facile liars into my life, tell them things about me and then let it screw my life up. It's really horrible. I have no idea what good the exploitation would do, but I'm sure it ain't going to look nice on your resumé when you go to heaven/hell. I know mine is pretty messed up, but I don't think I will let it accumulate more evil unless I find anyone bitching about me. I know it sounds ironic, but if you read it again, it makes sense. And guess what? I can still hang out with you and all, but I doubt I can place much trust in you anymore. If you are who I'm referring to, I'm not expecting you to guilty about the above actions. I just hope you won't do this to other people as well. You won't like it when people do it on you as well.

And as for you, I'm sick of having you treating me like I'm invisible. You got a problem? Confront me! You don't have to be such a jackass and pretend I don't exist. Because I do. You're just going to make a mountain out of a molehill and one day when you push me to that edge of the cliff, you know I will burst. And when I do, things tend to get ugly. I won't want that to happen, so I hope you would just stop your childish actions. It's just making you look fugly.

Adding on to all of the above mentioned, I still have much more that happened this week. Projects are starting to pile up like nobody's business and gossips are thriving like swine flu. Yes, it's that serious. The fire is getting bigger and bigger day by day. But, I'm glad I still have nice classmates who don't discriminate me for who I am. I believe that they are what we call true friends. Of course, I didn't tell any of this to my best friends because I didn't want to add on to their burden. But yes, I'm telling it to the world now because I can't contain in me anymore. The fatigue from being hardly able to sleep last night is taking its toll on me, making me very paranoid and nervy today. (It's your fault Samuel, for making me drink that Red Bull. Even though I thought it wouldn't have any effect on me, it did.)

In case you're wondering, yes I'm still swearing like I have been. It's hard to control, yeah. But I'm sure Tweety Bird will help me with that, yeah? She's my new found swear-control. (Ask Becky and you'll know why.) I'm praying the swine flu won't spread. Because once it does, schools will close down and my life will just get more stressed. All my modules will be squashed into a teeny weeny month. Everyone will die.

And in case you all didn't take note, the recent events seem to be somewhat a little similar to The Plagues Of Egypt. If you don't know what that is, go and wiki it or ask your friends who know about it. It seems to have reached stage 5 already. That's the 1st thing that goes into my mind when I think about the virus and also the recent strong wind. It gives me the creeps to think that they are somewhat similar. However, that's just my personal opinion, so you don't have to believe me if you don't want to.

Last but not least, I'm hoping I won't catch no disease when I go to zoo tomorrow. (Touch wood.) So, I guess this brings me to the end of my post. Till next time, my readers.

p.s. I feel like getting my blogskin changed.

p.p.s. Fate, find me that special someone.

p.p.p.s I want to try out the wine which is currently my post title.

p.p.p.p.s. Happy Birthday once again, Sherylene Chan.

Told Cha

2009-04-30T10:10:00.007+08:00

I told you nothing would happen. Teehee. In any case, I just need fate to help me find it then. All's well ends well. No hard feelings or whatsoever. I really envy couples you know? Haha. It's nice and touching to witness the marriage of a couple. I think I would really concentrate on the whole I-am-walking-down-the-aisle process in a wedding. It's nice to see that people are so blessed with such love. I think all I need now is to take a breather. It's often said that no matter the truth, people still want to see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along. Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. Some people may see what was there all along. And then there are those people, the ones who run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves. As for me, I can see clearly now. I can, and I will take a good look at this big picture to reconsider my options, actions and my life. They say time can heal everything. I didn't believe in that theory until now. Because today, I can forget about the past totally and live my new life confidently. All I need now is just some assurance that I am walking down the path that I want and that I will stand up for myself when time calls for it. Get your ammunitions ready.

p.s. You don't have to worry about anything. Like you believe so, God will guide you in your life and you will end up well I guess.

Gossip Girl Secrets: Someone New

2009-04-29T17:50:00.002+08:00

p.s. I'm finally getting that ticklish feeling again. Is it fate that controls all of these? I wish I could control myself, but it seems impossible! My eyes and mind drift there automatically. I can hardly concentrate in my lectures. But I know it won't happen. Despite that, I still adore that feeling. It keeps me happy. Will what Matt said come true? I hope so. I don't think I can bear to walk down this long journey without my friends and fate. But could all of these be pure infatuation? I pray not. But at the same time, I hope I won't indulge in it too much. After all, it won't actually turn into the reality which I dream of. This is similar to the chaining method. Penetration, followed by suction. It penetrates into my mind and heart and then sucks the hell out of me. But I don't feel tired at all. Not this time. Instead, it makes me want to continue on. I want to see my brainchild, the fruits of my efforts. Before that happens, I still want to enjoy the sweetness that gets my adrenaline pumping. Kiss and if you seek Amy.

p.s. Applying SWOT to a relationship might not be a bad idea.

p.p.s. All these seems rather nostalgic and familiar to previous situations.

Lag Jack

2009-04-28T16:50:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not updating! I was kind of caught up with life and school recently. Although I'm not very sure whether that is a good or bad thing. In any case, I only came to post a short one up now because I'm using someone's lappie instead of mine. By the way, you guys should seriously catch "Taken". It is undoubtedly one of the best action-packed movies that I've watched. Oh well, going to indulge in food now - as usual.

p.s. I don't know what that is. But I just like the way it makes me feel. (Don't get horny.)

p.p.s. I am speechless and I have no idea what to say to you.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

2009-04-24T09:10:00.003+08:00

The clock ticks as I stare at the book. My eyes concentrate on every word as I move from line to line. It interests me more and more. I flip the pages hastily, trying to read about everything that's on "The Dynamics Of Mass Communication". I finally finish the book.

MAJOR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! No way would I do that! At least not now. I feel like killing myself looking at the book each time. What's worst, I have to buy more books soon! Things in Poly can be pricey and cheap. Pricey for the books and materials, cheap for the food. I wish I own some multi-gazillionaire bank or something. At least I won't think about my budget all the time. Life really gets crappy when you have all these stuff in ur mind. I keep getting distracted by the monetary issues. Sometimes in my tutorials, my mind will just float off to somewhere else, thinking whether or not I have enough money for lunch, whether I have money to return money and whether I have money for the books. Well, I guess life is like that. I shall leave now, my tutorial starts now.

WOT?

2009-04-19T20:39:00.006+08:00

Edit: Sam said it was too "free" of me to post something as stupid and trivial as newspaper. So, I shall change it to this.

I'M NOT EXCITED FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW. TELL ME WHY. D: And yay, meeting Lester for lunch. After gazillion years I finally get to meet him, in life. Knowing he exists exists. Haha! Shan't talk more, I wanna msn more than blog more now.

p.s. I'm just going to stone and study in school everyday.

Here I Am

2009-04-18T21:16:00.004+08:00

I have to tell you. Induction is seriously boring. You have nothing to do whatsoever when you're in the lecture hall. All you do is sit down there and space out while they are giving speeches. One of the few things I took note of were some things my principal said, which I found them interesting. "Whether you can do FMS proud is really your call." I really found this one inspiring. Thus, I told myself that very moment that I WILL WORK HARD TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF. The other one is funny. "Smart people go to polytechnic. The smartest people go to FMS." That was one of the few jokes we had. I really hope to be able to do well. After all, I love this course, I love the people, I love almost anything related to the media industry. It gets my adrenaline pumping.

Moving on, I have been greatly affected after watching Camp Rock. (Like finally right?) Because I have found another song that gives me goosebumps when I hear it play. I know this sounds weird, but songs that gives me goosebumps means that I feel like crying when I listen to them. Freakishly, one of the songs is Joe Jonas' "Gotta Find You". Even that small part when he sang in Demi Lovato's "This Is Me" also gave me goosebumps. Somehow these songs just have a great impact on me. Adding to the collection is Jasmine Richard's "Here I Am". That song really makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Sometimes you follow someone of certain "authority" blindly and in the end, you realize that this is not what you really want. You want to have a say in things and you want to free from his/her rants. It feels really sad if you get controlled by them.

p.s. To my dearest friend, ignore what she did. Parents will always be parents. We can't do much about it since we're still in need of them and it isn't right to oppose them directly. All you can do now is just lay low and let this whole thing pass by. Once it's over, she will stop nagging and you won't end up being so angry anymore. I know how it feels like. Sometimes I get so angry I can't take it as well. But, it's not worth it. You age when you get angry! So, preserve your youth and stay happy always.

p.p.s. SYF results are coming out this coming Thursday. I wonder what they're getting.

p.p.p.s. Xiaxue's blog seriously entertained me today. Go wikipedia her name and at the bottom of her page, read the archives that they cited out for you. Then, sit back and enjoy.

Nobody Nobody But You

2009-04-16T23:17:00.004+08:00

That's the groove dood. I can't stop finding that song to be nice. Wonder Girls. Remind me of the Nautilus dancers from FMS camp. Nadia. Haha!

Speaking of movies, I want my Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince! I'm desperate! (Who asked me to watch Order of Phoenix today on HBO. Serves me right.) Sorry, I often sidetrack and get into this delusional mode where I will totally talk to myself. Believe me, I can do that for an eternity. I still remember when I was young and I played Lego, I always talked to myself, creating story lines so I can let the Lego fight with one another. How fun can that get? Didn't know my "script-writing" ability was founded at such a young age. Teehee.

Guess what? Sam says I need a partner so I won't be bored. But I think otherwise. I just need to take my mind and time off boredom. BOREDOM. It's ruling my life. But I will get rid of it. Trust me! Even though I disagree with her, but still, personally I want a partner. Haha! Hope I can find one in the first place. People in poly are way different compared to people in secondary schools. You'll know why when you come here.

p.s. To my beloved friend, stop emoing! Don't care about her already! I mean it. Don't risk your studies and maybe your whole life for her. It's not worth it. Like you said, she's fickle-minded! So what makes you so sure that even if she said 'yes', she would not think of someone else? Just listen to me for once and stop thinking of suicides. I've been there and done that. Not very pleasant after the whole incident. You'll find the scars to be ugly. Trust me. And please, don't smoke! I know you're just going to rebut and say why not. But please, think for your own health. Don't do anything harmful to yourself. Promise me that.

p.p.s. SYF results! I need it now! Actually, I need anything that can kill my boredom. Like, Kampfer.

Back To Blogging

2009-04-15T13:23:00.003+08:00

We have around 1-2 more days before Blogger goes down down down down down for maintenance. I never did realize that there was this news and update above the blogs. Maybe it was up only a few days ago.

In any case, the Mac training was tough shit. Not because it's difficult to understand, but it's because it's so tiring and mind-breaking to sit in there for the next 2 hours while listening to stuff you may already know. The only extra knowledge I got from there was about Mouse Posé. It is one of the coolest program you will ever find entertaining in your life. When you're really bored, like dying bored, just use that. Make yourself happy by endlessly creating colourful ripples out of it and increasing/decreasing the spotlight. Yes, I know it's retarded and immature. But, what's life without some fun like this in it?

Besides that, I'm dying to know the SYF results. And I mean dying. School starts next Monday, but Induction is on Friday. Of all days! Friday! I hope I'll be able to make it to CCA all the way back at KSS. It'll probably be the last time I'm going back, or so I predict. Maybe I might pop up for Mondays/Tuesdays, since my lessons end by 11am for those 2 days. Plus, I can't wait for camp to arrive. It's one of the best things to look forward to when you really want to have fun and you want to experience fear in school.

I guess life just changes when you start growing up. Everything changes as well. I hope I won't turn out to be the predicted "snobbish, look-down-on-people" kind of person after I graduate from MCM. Because that's what I hear from some seniors. I think in the end, everyone will turn out that way? But, it's a matter of whether or not we can kick that off and revert to our old selves - the better us. Cheers to those who are in the same school/course as me. I'm sure we'll be able to excel together!

p.s. What CCA seems nice? I heard that it might be tough to get in certain CCAs.

p.p.s. Gone and not thinking about you anymore.

Can you?

2009-04-11T22:03:00.004+08:00

I finally know what it feels like to squirm and push your way through when you're in a club. I experienced the exact same thing I saw on TV. You feel so horrible already, yet there's so many obstacles blocking your way. You're so desperate to get out there, because you're sick and tired of the crowd, the music and watching people dance. I felt that. I wanted to get out because I could not take the torment of not being able to dance while watching other people enjoying themselves. I wanted to be a cynic. I mean it. I felt like snapping at everyone who talked to me, except for those who really cared.

Skipping away, I watched "200 Pounds Of Beauty" yet another time today. I finally felt what I didn't feel the first few times I watched it. The agony and pain Hanna suffered. She could not cope with herself, with her life being so screwed up. Well, it wasn't exactly screwed up, but she felt that she didn't even have the sliver of respect from almost everyone. And that is something nobody would want to feel. I know how that feels.

Because when I used to walk in to rehearsals for my secondary school's CCA, I get shouts like "Fuck off lah!" or "Shut the fuck up!" and "What the fuck are you doing here?" Really. It sounds unbelievable. But these words do escape those children's mouths. They think that your authority of a vice-president does not stand in their way because they're your friends and that they already know you so well. Bullshit. I don't think I deserve any of those fucking insults they shot at me. Yes, they might have did it for fun, but I doubt it was as funny as they thought it would be.

I'm not a perfect person. But sometimes, the blemishes in my life just look so horrid. I just want to change my whole self so no one would ever recognize me. No one would go "Hey, it's that guy!" and other derogatory verbal insults they use on me. I know I'm used to it. But so? Does that give anyone the right to do that to me? No! Just because they need someone to ventilate their emotions, it doesn't have to be me! They can scold themselves for all I care. I've been through a lot and have walked quite a journey so far. And I intend to continue walking down this treacherous road filled with obstacles. I will not stand down.

This is the golden word of advice I have to my CCA juniors, my friends and those who detest me or whatsoever. You can go on bitching about me and giving me faces while I'm there, but you can't stop me from living my life to the fullest.

On top of that, I have to direct this to some of my sec 3 juniors:

This part was made private. Haha. Figure out what goes here.

I love that club as much as anyone would too.

p.s. Good job for all involved in the SYF. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now it's time to get back to studying and prepare yourselves for your mid-year. Good luck for that.

Camp.

2009-04-09T14:17:00.002+08:00

Lovely. Joy. Exhausting. Overbusy.

Those are the only words to describe this whole camp. I got to know 3 Matthew, but only 1 is I know know. And also Mei (May), but her surname is cool. (Simpkins) Got to know many more funny and friendly people. Back to topic, camp drains you off totally. I almost died the first day and you would not want to know why. I think it's going to be tough to survive in this course. You meet people from all walks of life and out here, is what we've been protected from in our secondary school. In secondary school, the 4 walls are what's protecting us from this reality. But after these were stripped off, I finally get a taste of reality. The real deal. It's going to be no easy feat to maintain your standard in the future, I can assure you that. Because what we need to do is to surpass that standard and unleash our full potential. I don't think I'll have much time to breathe. But, I believe I'll cope. Cheers to that. Now, I want to be back in camp, with the exception of some factors. Haha! It's really amazing to see what a poly camp is like because people cheer in the middle of the night and it is pure craziness to see such hyper-activeness being put to "good use", comparing to those I see in secondary school. I need a BIG BREAK before finally starting school. Which happens around, 11 days?

p.s. Someone needs to tell me how it went for the SYF.

p.p.s. I need a beach break. (Pun intended.)

Souperlicious? Not so, in the case of life.

2009-04-03T08:23:00.004+08:00

I ate at The Soup Spoon few days back and I think it's not all that great. For the pricey soup and bread, the standard was about average. "Fulfilling moments" was their slogan. I don't think it's that fulfilling. At least to me, the standard of the food was only acceptable and not spectacular or extremely nice or whatsoever. (You get my point.)

In any case, I was just thinking about what happened for last month and I have come to a decision to let everything go. I know it sounds ridiculous and impossible, but I will and it will take some time before I can erase it away. Until then, I need to bear with it a little while more. With the deception and the ability to cope with my own anger and sadness. Life isn't all that great and holy camolly when things like deception and disappointment fill it up. Instead, the river of never-ending hatred will start to overflow the cylinder which contains our tolerance and all hell sets loose. Yes, I'm serious about that one.

I've been contemplating about what I want to do. And this is what I plan, but I'm not sure if I will have the guts in the end to do it like characters on movies always do.

*Slaps*

"This is for all the lies you've given me. And from now on, I want to have nothing to do with you,"

*Runs off*

And when I say slap, I mean the real deal. The one that no one has actually felt before. (From me so far.) Because I really can't take this shit anymore longer. My home is filled with so much suspicion for one another that I'm really tired. Being stuck between these two matters is really tearing me apart, explaining my recent mood swings for the past few months. I am really exasperated. There's nothing much left to say to anyone. All I can believe in myself to do is to live my life more "happily" and try and be "cheerful".

p.s. I wish I had a spilt personality. So that whenever something I don't want to face comes around, I can just switch off and let the other "me" handle it. Yes, I know escaping the problems won't solve it, but it'll really ease the pain by a lot.

p.p.s. This is the time of life when things start to become more unassured for most and we contemplate every action we're about to take. Not to mention procrastinate after all the hesitation. I'm fine if that's what you want to hear. I just need time to freeze everything up.

Coffee, Cake or Movies?

2009-03-29T22:33:00.005+08:00

I feel like I'm binge eating! It's almost every single few days I will have the urge for Starbucks' Frappuccino: Mocha or just the normal iced Mocha itself.

And on top of that, CAKES are the next big thing!

After watching 'Antique Bakery', I cannot stop staring at cakes! They look amazingly delicious and it's like you can never finish all the cakes in the world. I might learn how to bake them in the future. Seems pretty feasible for me. I can fill my stomach and save up money at the same time.

In any case, if you have not caught 'Antique Bakery', you MUST! But, a word of caution first, there's a mild theme of boy x boy. No obscene materials in it, so it should be fine for most. I like the plot a lot. It's one of the few rare ones that you think it's a lil' refreshing and you won't mind if it turned into a drama series. An ambiguous ending though, for you to figure out whether or not the chef and boss are together. But, through this movie, you really learn quite a lot about life.

For example, don't you think it's the saddest thing if an athlete has lung cancer and if a gourmet has liver failure? Not to be mean, but it's just really sad when life is so ironic and miserable. You try so hard to achieve the best that you can, but in the end, you realize that you ended up in a dead end. Everyone's actually dying by the second, it's just the luck that matters. There are some sad cases where kids die at a young age while others live to an old age of 80. Life is harsh, but let's face it, we have to move on no matter what. When we finish this journey, we can then put the period down on the paper. When we look back on the whole of the so-called "results slip", we will know how much memories we've actually created and cherished for our whole life. Life is short, don't live your life in regret. (I know it sounds cliché.)

I would recommend several movies for that. One of it would be the famous 'Titanic'. The other would be my personal favourite and all-time tearing movie, 'Evening'. Last but not least, the hilarious yet touching '13 Going On 30'. These 3 are undoubtedly, in my eyes, the best movies about life and love.

The upcoming one is Zac Efron's '17 Again'. I hope it's nice and not cliché. I realized I watch movie and not read the novel's versions. But, I rather read books which do not have movies or animation. I'm weird, ain't I?

p.s. I think I'm starting to move on. Foot by foot, day by day, slowly thinking of you less. Which I hope, is the best for me.

Cheer up

2009-03-28T00:54:00.003+08:00

Why is it that in a relationship, there's so many problems that can occur?

First, you get shy and not daring to do things. Next, you feel much comfortable but you're afraid that you might go overboard. Last, things start to become rocky and you feel that the relationship is falling apart.

Don't everyone wish that there will just be some fantastic miraculous love potion that can prevent all these problems from happening? But oh well. If a couple don't go through these hardships, they're not much of a couple, are they? I just think that life HAS TO be a bitch sometimes. That way, we can stand on our own two feet when we fall, instead of being the pampered kids that we might once be.

I wonder how's life for the animals. Do they have as much problems as we do? Or do they have more? I've heard before somewhere that they don't think with logic that much, it's just their instinct that their following. Is that true?

In any case, I just hope all couples in the world can resolve things between themselves peacefully. I mean, it's better to see a happy couple than a divorced one right? Things are always better when they are complete. Imagine this: You just had a divorce with your husband, but you did it in a moment of anger. Do you think you will find it in your heart to be able to get that courage back to reconcile? I don't think it would be that simple. Then, you will forever have that missing piece in your heart and find it difficult to move on.

So, the bottom line is: Talk to each other amicably. Settle things peacefully and calmly. Have more confidence in yourself and your partner when you're in a relationship. Don't put all the blame on yourself when something goes wrong every time. Just trust each other and believe that you can do this together, hand in hand.

p.s. This goes out to all my friends who are coupled out there. Cheer up no matter what happens. You know you can always count on me if you need to talk to someone. :D

Hey Peeps!

2009-03-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

I've just opened up a blog with Iskaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandar. It's called Sugar.Candy.Mountains. @ http://sugarcandymountains.blogspot.com

Please support us by reading our story!!! If you want to, you can link us as well :D

Lies

2009-03-20T13:49:00.003+08:00

I have no idea why. Why is it that humans like to lie so much? Is it a rite that everyone must go through? If you've been lied to once, that's bad enough. What's worst is the meaningless effort of the person to continue lying, building up at least a a pack of lies as tall as a HDB flat. I seriously don't get it? What is so difficult about saying the truth? I really wish you could just say it out instead of making the whole situation more tensed and worsened.

p.s. I nearly fell for it last night. But, I didn't feel like crying at all. Not even if that was the truth. You just felt too much like a jerk to me yesterday. I didn't think I would be that dumb to fall for it again. Not again.

Time flies...

2009-03-19T18:35:00.003+08:00

Yet another day has passed. Life is always filled with obstacles. We have to travel through such a long and treacherous journey. I wished that I could say everything I wanted easily. But sometimes, things just aren't as simple as we think. I'm being told to forget, but it's just not that easy. It's just not that simple. If only memories can be erased using an eraser, life would be much happier for everyone. I wish I could be somewhere on the hill right now, sitting there, star-gazing.

p.s. Would you even bother that much about me?

Why?

2009-03-18T23:29:00.003+08:00

I can't stop thinking about what happened that day. I thought it was going turn out fine, but I realized, it didn't. I had no idea why. Was it me? Was it that terrorizing to be sitting next to me? Would it kill to do something in peace and ignore everything else? I know my tone may sound overboard, but I really can't take it any longer. I don't know how long more do I have to wear this mask. I really don't. I really wish that I could smile and think properly some day, but that day doesn't seem to be coming. It doesn't seem to be that easy. I thought that you had already gotten over it, but it doesn't seem that way. I really want to sort things out. I really want to know why. If my existence brings you discomfort, then would it be better if I just disappeared? I really don't know. I'm confused about everything now and my brain cannot stop reminding of the pain I'm suffering from. I just wish that life would be much easier for me. I just wish that it would be happening some other way from the very beginning. Would the future change? Would the current times change? I wish they could. But, I know, like me, it's just easier said than done to get over some things. I know that better than anyone else. 17 years. 17 years consisting of a miserable childhood, a terrible primary school life, an unforgettable secondary school life and the current suffering of a soon-to-be poly life. I can't seem to find happy memories anywhere. Not in my memory banks, not in my dreams. I only see it in other people. Was this meant to be from the beginning? Only fragments of agony and torture are seen. My attempt to reach out and grab for that gleam of light seems futile. Nothing seems to working right. Nothing at all.

p.s. I really needed to get this off my chest. I know you feel unbearable, but I do too.

17 March 2009

2009-03-17T18:51:00.005+08:00

Why is it that every time a glimpse of hope comes around, a rock will come and smash the whole window into smithereens? Just when you think that things are starting to look better, it always turns out the other way round.

Deception.

I have been twirled around by it and played by it countless times. It likes to see me suffer. It enjoys being sadistic, watching me as I become miserable day by day. I can't think of anyway to get out of this. Not even the most powerful man in the world can help me with my problems. Time after time I have been fooled. I always think that things are finally going my way and I was perhaps feeling that the inevitable maybe avoidable, but now, when the truth starts to surface from the bottomless pit of lies, everything just disappears. I wear a mask whenever I go out most of the time, but today, I'm not very sure if it cracked. It did actually. At the ending, on the bus ride. Half of it dribbled down my cheek and part of the true me was revealed. But, no one saw that. All that was seen were two kids playing around near the control station, having so much fun. I couldn't bear to make my existence visible, but deep down, I wanted to though. Rushing and running through the crowd, I hoped to be able to catch up with them. Did I? I nearly didn't. I was panicking outside the carriage, desperately trying to find a hole for me to loop into. Even though I knew it wasn't necessary for me to board it, I knew that I had to. I don't know if Fate is trying to help me, because I did manage to get in there in the end. Fate defended itself against the attacks of Devastation. I tried to breathe calmly, hoping that my mask would not further be damaged. I snatched a look at them, laughing and chatting away happily. I couldn't help but pity myself. How pathetic I was. I knew that nothing would ever happen, but yet every time I still try and do something to salvage the situation. Is it really true that the harder it is to get, the more we desire the object? I alighted quickly, hoping to escape their vision. I wonder if Deception and Devastation will leave me one day. If they do, would Fate come along to help me once again and bring me Hope and Happiness instead? I never know. And I never will know. All I know is that everything seems pretty impossible and unattainable now.

p.s. You didn't see me in the train and I'm glad. Because I didn't want you to feel bad. I think I finally know who you truly like now.

ZOMOGSH!

2009-03-16T06:06:00.005+08:00

Awake in the early morning of a Monday. Wonder if I'll have any Monday blues. Sometimes I just feel so tired in life I wish I was actually someone in coma, waiting for my tube to be plucked. I know, that's what they always show on TV, but at times it really seems like the most plausible way. But, I'm not that dumb to die young. I won't get to experience all the things I'm going to explore and I'm just going to die - bored-, which in my opinion, is the worst thing that can happen on your funeral. Imagine people saying, "Do you even know him? What was he like? Are you serious? That bitchy, oh my gosh, I can't believe we're bitching on his funeral!" Sounds really sad if that is happening, ain't it? So I'm living my life to the fullest, so that people will be talking about much nicer things about me. Ok, I'm not that idiotic to live life so I can have the best funeral. But, you know? I have to care about how it ends, because that IS the END. I hope I'm making sense to you, because I'm making sense to me.

"I love you, but I love me more,"

Find out where that quote came from. I love it, truly. It makes sense in some relationships actually. I don't know about mine, but nothing can be done until I enter poly. Nothing, yet. Anyway, I have to go off to school for oral timekeeping. I wonder if it'll be fun? Not fun fun, but it's like another experience gained. (Yes, I know. Why in the world would you want to experience being an oral timekeeper when all you do is press the button and signal for students to come forward?) But, it just looks fun anyway.

p.s. Bring along an umbrella because it's going to be a thunderstorm today, according to my weather widget.

p.p.s. I think you're in oral today as well. Like I said, best of luck to you. I know you can do it if you want to.

ICE CREAM!

2009-03-14T19:02:00.003+08:00

The Singapore Science Centre has got the best ice cream cone for Macdonalds.

Trust me when it comes to food. I'm the expert. :D

It's like when you bite the ice cream, you realize that the texture on the outside is totally different from the one on the inside. Once you have that bite, it will melt away in your mouth. And besides that, it tastes much more sweeter than those other ice cream cones outside, I have no idea why. But, it really does! If you don't believe me, go ask ----- & Iffah. They can prove that the ice cream cone from SSC is really friggin nice. Just the influence from me alone proved half of this true. The other half was proven after they started enjoying their ice cream. I couldn't resist myself to write a feedback saying that it was yummy. LOL. If I'm too free, I might just go there to eat just that again.

Well, guess that's about it today. Science Centre and more camwhoring. Haha!

Seventeen Officially

2009-03-10T08:59:00.000+08:00

As you all know by now, I'm officially seventeeeeeeeeeeeen! And I can't wait to get my hands on my laptop tomorrow! BING! BANG! PIANG! Time fly quickly please.

p.s. It didn't come true for yesterday, but I hope the wish will be fulfilled today.

Pre-Birthday Celeb

2009-03-06T21:45:00.007+08:00

N is back from the big celebration just now!

Final Outcome:
IT WAS A TOTAL BLAST.

*BOOM*

-FLIES AWAY TO OUTER SPACE-

I have to thank all my best friends who made it to the dinner. They are:
Agacia
Averil
Cindy
Danielle
Hidayah
Iskandar
Laura
Mariz
Maryann
Priscilla
Serena
Shannon
Si Min
Wan Ting
Wei Sheng
Yi Jun
Yu Xuan

Besides them, I have to thank these people for messaging me and attempting to come:
Chrismin
Doreen
Ronnie
Shu Fen
Vanessa
Ysabel

And when it was photo taking, there was exactly 17 people (which I thought was really cool by the way, to have 17 people at a 17th birthday), including myself and excluding Laura because she left early D: But the camwhoring was super noisy and we practically pawned the whole Pastamania. Seriously big thanks to them. I was embarrassed when they sang Happy Birthday song. What more, a cake was served by a waitress. I was so freaking gleeful and touched! And then it was wishing time! After that, we all went back to camwhore sessions again. Like you all know, I'm a camera type of whore. Sadly, I forgot to bring my own camera, so I had to keep using Averil's and Wan Ting's one. Everyone used theirs, actually. Today was seriously a blast. One of the days I will never forget in my life. Thanks babes and hunks! All of you look sexxxxxxxxxxay and hoooooooooooot today yeah! (Including myself, of course. x3)

Well, that's that. I love my presents if that's what you want to know :D You can't find any more true friends than them. Best of the best.

"Milestones in Kranji Secondary School" - Averil Lim Xue Qi (2008)

p.s. Will the wish come true?

Good Morning

2009-03-06T08:29:00.002+08:00

Rise and shine babies! I finally regained my sleep once again. And I just watched a touching movie D: Why can't they just say, "I love you," to each other? Doesn't it make the whole thing less complicated and much easier? But, if they did that in the beginning, then there will be no plot. And I won't get to enjoy the movie. I really loved it. One of the good Chinese movies I watched so far.

When two people start to fall in love with each other secretly, will it result in a happy ending for them?

p.s. Would the ending apply to me?

Woots.

2009-03-04T09:37:00.008+08:00

6th March @ Lot 1 Shoppers' Mall. 6pm @ Pastamania.

LET'S CRASH AND PARTY!!! Please be punctual everyone! Because some people are leaving earlier than the rest. We won't want to leave them out of the conversations D: Also, take your own sweet time during dinner! There are others who will arrive later and we won't want them to be left out either D:

Last but not least
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Please dress up!

I know what's on your mind. "It's only Lot 1! What's the point?"

Well, the point is because I'm taking photos and I want all of you to look sexxxxxxxxxxxay and hoooooooooooot in the photos. :D Don't bother to dress up if you're rushing down from somewhere else though.

I can't wait to meet all of you this Friday!!!!!!!!!! No sword no fanning. (Translate that into Chinese. Not trying to be racist.)

Time to post.

2009-03-03T18:08:00.005+08:00

Yes, I know it has been a gazillion years since I posted. BUT. You have to understand the pains I'm suffering! The pain to stay awake to see who is free to chat, the pain of finding Mahjong kakis so I can have some fun, the pain of eating and eating and eating! Most of all, the pain of waiting for my birthday to arrive. (Yes, I'm hinting to you.)

10th Marchzxzxzxzxzxzx.

I realized few months back that there is nothing I actually want for my birthday. You see, I already have PSP, a Macbook (14th Marchzxzxzxzxz), new handphone (no idea whenzxzxzxz). That practically meant everything I wanted before the age of 17. But, but, you know, I need a set of darts and dartboard. Or else my closet will suffer. Yes, I'm too bored so I'm playing darts and making holes out of my closet.

Ok, that's all for now. Shall go away for a loooooooooong time again. At least till I get through 9th Marchzxzxzxz or when I get my Macbook. Need to talk to Amalina now, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

p.s. Birthday! I want you to be there on 9th D:

Dang.

2009-02-22T00:58:00.003+08:00

I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. I'm glad I went to the library that day with Wan Ting, Laura and Averil after our mahjong session. I finally bothered to look around for books - besides the ones I already borrowed before that - for myself to read. Wan Ting is starting on Dan Brown's famous book while I think I'm going to read very slowly. VERY VERY SLOWLY. Someone was messaging me minutes ago, but I think he fell asleep. Guess they run a lot in ODAC. But CJC sounds like big-time fun to me actually. Even though I actually dislike studying and all, it makes the whole idea of JC sounds interesting. Well, at least a little bit. I'm going to get someone to buy the p.e. shirt for me. It looks awesome. Can't wait for school to start and SYF to arrive. Balancing my life on CCA, school, food, sleep, play, tv, psp and bitching of course. That's all I've got. At least other people have work and studies. I NEED MY OLD LIFE BACK SOON. *yawns*

p.s. I hope there'll be a day that you're free to go for dinner with me.

Standing once again.

2009-02-18T14:53:00.004+08:00

My internet is getting on my nerves today.

p.s.
I got back on my feet the very next day Valentine's ended. Guess my mood will always swing as long as you're not around. I feel that it's rather selfish of me. I tend to be nicer when you're around, but I often flare up, especially if you're not there or someone just commented something about you. I have no idea why. I went to school yesterday feeling sick and I was having difficulty in breathing. I guess it was due to the fact that I played psp throughout the whole night and not catching a wink at all. But come to think of it, the sadness and emptiness I felt were kind of appropriate after I got to know of something that happened on Valentine's. I was sad, but I was on all smiles because I didn't want to show or tell anyone yet. The truth was kind of heartbreaking, but I guess it's only natural that you do it. I talked to Dello about it though. I hope to be able to feel better and less jealous, but I always get jealous. Why? I guess this thing has just been in me for too long. I just hope school can start soon so I can try and forget about the whole thing. But, I'm still uncertain myself, if I truly can get over it. Get over the whole thing. You think I can?

p.p.s. I get the feeling that you're still uncomfortable with my presence. I don't know. Maybe you are, maybe you're not. Or perhaps I'm just too insecure. Too wary of everything and everyone around me. When can I really start to trust someone? Or ever find someone as good as you, or better?

Valentine's a bitch.

2009-02-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

Trust me. It is! Ok, maybe it's only that way because I'm single. I don't know why. I'm just not used to single hood. Perhaps it's because I've never been attached or there's this weird desire in me that says, "You cannot be single. Go find yourself a partner for life or at least a few months time!"

That sounds very creepy, yes I know. But, I kind of wonder how it really is - to have a partner with you - to celebrate Valentine's. I mean, does it really make a difference in the relationship? For all we know, some couples might even break up finding that their partners are too stingy or too extravagant. So why is this day so special to everyone internationally?

I went to research on Cupid and I found this:

In Roman mythology, Cupid is the god of erotic love and beauty.
Cupid has also become a symbol of Valentine's Day.

(For your info, I used to idolize Cupid because I found it cute and all.)

So, it feels weird knowing that he is actually the god of erotic love and that Valentine's is celebrated because of his previous presence. It kind of taints the whole idea of Valentine's itself, doesn't it? I'm not insulting this day, but I'm just curious how ironic the whole idea is. I don't walk down the streets and see couples making out everywhere. Neither do I hear people read erotic poetry or attempt something crazier than that.

But, oh what the heck. People love this day. Everyone celebrates it. So there is no reason why I'm going against it, since I will love this day after I'm attached as well. I'm hoping that I could still get the nice massage now. I can't get over it! It's like the best hands and feel I can ever get. Sorry, I know it sounds VERY wrong, but I just can't stop thinking about it! Whatever.

I wish all the couples good luck in this long journey you all have. You have to go through thick and thin, quarrel with one another, cohabit so that you can find out all the bad points about each other and solve them one by one after you've sorted things out. I won't really acknowledge any couple as "couple" until they have actually gone through the whole process I've just mentioned above.

In any case, I hope to see more people getting attached. I love being a match-maker, although sometimes the results don't turn out as I expected. And I also hope that the people who are attached will cherish your current relationship because you never know whether or not someone like him/her will walk into your life once again, making it full. Enjoy the sweetness now before you regret in the future.

p.s. I could hardly get my mind of the two of you. Hardly. But perhaps I will do nothing about it, hoping that these will all fade off. Dellysda was right in asking me questions today. It really helped to clear up my mind a lot. It really did.

p.p.s. This post was kind of inspired after reading my nice friend, Lester's, blog post. He's single and he has a good character. Doesn't that make him a catch as well? Hmmm...

p.p.p.s. The section about Cupid was cited from Wikipedia. I'm giving them the credits now, so don't sue me for no shit.

What?!

2009-02-13T23:16:00.003+08:00

I'm single and all alone at home on the upcoming Valentine's. How boring can that be? Oh well, this is fate. I doubt I can do much about it.

p.s. I received nice massages today. It felt like I was on heaven. The person has the "touch". I can't describe how that feels. Probably the word 'orgasm' might be suitable for it?

Update!

2009-02-08T14:43:00.005+08:00

I finally bothered to change my blogskin. After being so bored and keeping the whole atmosphere of my room so tense, I finally managed to relax today and relieve myself of all the work stress to put my heart into making this! That is of course without doubt, with the help of my friend - Aisha and junior - Dello! They rock you know. Nice characters and fabulous at designing and so on. I like the creator of this blogskin. I have to admit, she is VERY talented in making blogskins. But, I find her a little too arrogant. That's all. Anyway, I can't wait to get my Mac because I want to start school as soon as possible. And, I'm tearing off more papers off the calendar as the time left to prepare for SYF is shortening.

p.s. I'm still thinking of what to do for you on Valentine's. Nothing seems to be feasible so far.

An impartial system? I doubt so.

2009-02-03T00:05:00.008+08:00

I've been thinking about this topic for quite some time. And it didn't really occur to me until I realized that I'm a Polytechnic student and soon it will affect me.

BIG TIME.

First of all, I have no idea why we (Polytechnic students), should be charged at adult pricing for our Ez-link cards while the JC students get to retain the student pricing. It's very unfair. We're all humans. We're all of the same age. The only difference is that we study at different institutes. What right does it give the High-Ranked to bestow the "special privilege" of bring charged cheaper than us? Is it because they're considered to be smarter just because of being in a JC? And then you allow them to be charged at a cheaper rate because of that? I don't think so. There are people with single digit scores who enter Polytechnics as well. So, that means we're equal in terms of intelligence. I don't see why we should be over-charged if we're of equal status.

Secondly, we study in our institutes for a longer period of time. So , that means we're at the shorter end of the stick. No, to highlight this fact, the SHORTEST end of the stick. We get charged at a more expensive fee for 3 years and they get to enjoy the luxury of paying less for 2 years? What kind of crap reasoning is that? Don't you High-Ranked ones tell me that we're more "matured" and that we're to be looked upon as "grown-ups", thus justifying the pricing. Kiss my arse. If that's the case, I suppose you can call those students in JC kids and toddlers then.

Thirdly, the High-Ranked ones do not consider the point that our school fees are already more expensive. Yes, this happens because Polytechnics have a wide array of courses and that requires more money to fund for the courses. I know, we chose this path out of our own accord, but the High-Ranked could at least do us that tiny favour and lessen the families' burdens by making the pricing equal. But, when we're charged according to the adult fare, it surfaces the prejudice held towards us and that alone, is enough for all of us to doubt the credibility of how the system works.

So there you have it, 3 reasons why I think the system needs a little tweaking in it to ensure that all of us have equal benefits. Most importantly, don't attempt to fight this argument with one of those crap shit reasons like "You're adults now, they're still students," It's not one bit convincing. Lastly, I believe that all of us have human rights and we deserve to be treated equally.

Update: Unfortunately, I just received news that similar incidents have been debated since 1989 till now. It just goes to show how stubborn these old farts are.

p.s. This post consists of my personal opinions and you can feel free to comment on it. But, don't close down my blog just because you're afraid that an uprising might happen. It won't if you serve your people well.

p.p.s. The adult pricing has already taken effect now and an Ez-link card with a balance of $3 can be gone in just one day.

p.p.p.s. I demand for justice to be done.

p.p.p.p.s. JC students, do not take this to heart. I'm not directing anything towards all of you. I'm merely stating a fact I'm sure most would agree.

BGR. Are you sure?

2009-01-31T00:58:00.004+08:00

This is something that I've encountered. It's regarding about what people say when they have an intimate friend who is of opposite gender.

First of all, would you people agree that being very close to a friend, sticking to him all the time means that you have a boyfriend? If that is the case, doesn't that make Wei Sheng, Yi Jun, my cousins and my dad my "boyfriends"? I mean, come on! Stop sticking to him and start to get a life. On top of that, I HATE IT when people say that they "are over [the person]" and that they "don't like him anymore" but they contradict themselves like idiots when their actions show a rating of 500/100 that they still like the person. GET A LIFE PEOPLE!

Second of all, I don't think you can call your online/in-game boyfriend a real "boyfriend". That is of course exceptional if you both really went out and dated. Calling your online boyfriend, "boyfriend" is stupid because you never know whether they have a partner in real life. GET REALISTIC and stop showing off what you don't have. Worst still, what you're not actually having but you claim that you have it because you just want to show off. If you're having an online partner just so to "fit-in", you should really GET A LIFE. (Yes, I'm stating my overall opinion.)

Lastly, stop flirting around with people and then shake off other people's comments like, "No lah! I don't like him!" and the next thing you know, she turns around to play among the large group of guys. Also, don't try to isolate the person from your friends (of the same sex) just because you like him. It's pure selfishness and stupidity. Hello? He has human rights too right? I'm sure they get to choose who they want to hang out with. Moreover, I especially DETEST IT if you do that secretly and you act all sweety pie in front of the guys. It just goes to show how much of a slut you are. Perhaps not slut, but maybe a manwhore? (For guys, just whore will do.)

Ok, basically what I've just typed is what I witness and hear from people around me. It's absurd and ridiculous. I hope they stop doing it because it's just going to get them nowhere and they will have no more friends. Trust me.

p.s. So next time, make sure you are in a REAL relationship or else, shut up and stop being such a green little devil.

p.p.s. And no, I'm not typing this because I'm feeling jealous or whatever. The parties in this post have no direct ties with me.

p.p.p.s. This was posted after 12a.m., thus explaining the different dates.

Posting Results

2009-01-30T22:01:00.009+08:00

Yes! I got into my dream course! Ngee Ann Polytechnic: Mass Communications. I can't be any happier. To all my other friends who need to appeal, GO FOR IT! ASSASSINATE SOMEONE IF YOU HAVE TO. (You know I'm only kidding here.)

School starts on 20.04.09 for those who're unsure.

p.s. This is not the only post today. I'm posting again later, be back to catch it.

Harold & Kumar 2: Escape From Guantanamo Bay

2009-01-29T01:14:00.006+08:00

The Square Root Of 3 by Dave Feinburg

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three.

A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight?
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine.

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
With just some quick arithmetic.

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality.

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three.

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply,
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer.

We break free from our mortal bonds
And with the wave of magic wands,

Our square root signs become unglued,
Your love for me has been renewed.

p.s. This explains everything.

Life & Reality

2009-01-22T09:03:00.007+08:00

Yes, face it. Everywhere you go, there will be its own sets of rules.

"You can't place your things here. You know what, maybe you should go to the office and seek permission from the HDB Hub. Or you could ask your boss to contact them and request for this space to be used by you. Because my stall here right, I want to place my bags on that space, I also get scolded. So I think, it's better if you fill up some forms and seek permission," a stall vendor told me this.

Well, it seems that Singapore is truly a "Just Follow Law" country. But, what can I say? I'm just a mere citizen of this country who does not have much verbal rights yet. In any case, I'm fine with the procedure of filling up the forms, but I seriously think it's pointless and ridiculous to scold people just because they place their items there. There isn't anyone using it yet right! So why can't we use that space? It's not as if by placing our items there, there's going to be a big disaster and the whole world is so going to end just because we're doing that. Seriously. This system needs some flexibility in it. No, I mean, MORE flexibility in it.

The good news is, I survived from my work! I hope I can get my pay really soon. Plus, the past few weeks has been really tough. And you know what? I doubt I can hang out with my class later because my mum just gave me shit loads of house chores to do. Splendid! I'm the only one in this ENTIRE household who isn't "tired" just because I'm working. I'm the only one who isn't given the right to flare up because I don't have "PMS" or neither do I have mood swings from work. That really sounds justified. Everything is thrown back to me. Worst of all, I HATE IT when I am being reprimanded of leaving my dishes behind and not cleaning them, when the one who scolds me, leaves his lying around and believes that "the maid is coming next month". Wow. What a fabulous way of being a good example to us kids. So he has the right to scream and be sarcastic towards ME when he leaves MORE THINGS lying around than I do? And I'm saying "ME" because he does it to me only. He doesn't scolds his precious sweetie unless she has done something really terrible. I have nothing against her, only him.

To top it off, some of the things he leaves on the table in the living room meant for EATING is, his dirty fingernails which were trimmed, big glass cup of Chinese tea, used toothpicks. I'm glad to mention I didn't see any cigarette packs lying round there. I won't have second thoughts about screaming and waking the whole household just so he keeps it far away from the table. I guess that was all the pent-up ANGER I have. Things didn't really work out for me the past few days. So, I think I better go do some house chores in case I get chased out of the house. Bye!

p.s. This is a very colourful post.

p.p.s. It feels as if the old emotional me is coming back soon. I don't want it to come back. But sometimes, the words you say really hurts me, pricking my heart. I have no idea why you would think of me that way. But have you ever wondered that I might act like that because of your presence? Because you're there in front of me, thus I do that? Have you? I'm trying very hard to compress all of these. It's not because I act like that on purpose, it just happens naturally when I'm with you. I'm sorry. I know it's a sin to love you, but I can't help myself.

YAY!

2009-01-13T00:38:00.013+08:00

I CAN'T BE ANYMORE HAPPIER! I achieved my target!

First of all, I shall post up the person whom I feel that deserves to be the Top Scholar in school:

MISTER CHONG WEI SHENG.

L1R5 : 7
L1R4 : 5

This is the RAW SCORE only. Check this out.

After the bonus points deduction:

L1R5 : 5
L1R4 : 3

A freaking 3 if he wants to go poly! And it's a freaking 5 for NJC! (That's where he tells me he most likely is heading.) I can't be anymore proud than to have a smart best friend. You can bother him for exams, especially for subjects like Social Studies/History. He will really teach you everything. It saves your ass. Those who wants his notes, I'm sorry. It's already taken! Find out who took it yourself. This is like a dream score to him. I can't stop saying congrats and feeling so happy and spreading his joy and legend.

After all that, we shall now reveal my results!

L1R5 : 13
L1R4 : 10

3 cheers for me! I managed to hit my target! I thought it would only be L1R4 : 10 after the deduction of bonus points. But, on the contrary, it's the RAW SCORE! 3 cheers again!

After the deduction:

L1R5 : 11
L1R4 : 8

I can put my mind to ease and start filling up those 12 choices of mine. I can't stop thinking about the whole waiting process. I'm telling you this, I didn't feel a thing for those days before 12/01/09. I guess it's because I'm already used to waiting for results and I kind of got numbed after 4 years of results-receiving sessions. And yes, I can call Mrs. Ram "Punitha"! (Officially.) LOL! But, I'm really sorry, Ms. Lee. For not being able to get that distinction, but I can swear to you I worked my ass off for Literature. All in a nutshell (typical words I use in Literature and Social Studies/History), I am really satisfied with whatever I have.

The only thing that shocks me and gets me into, "WHAT THE -!" is this sentence at the back of the result slip, "This Result Slip is not a certificate. The Singapore Examinations Assessment Board reserves the right to amend the results shown." This really is a big, "OMGOSH!"

But, I believe that all of us will get what we want in the end.By the way, Mr. Siah turned PAI KIA with the golden and brown hair and youth dressing and justifies himself with this, "I'm not a teacher already what!" I can't stop getting overjoyed.

p.s. I'm so happy you were there for me before and after my results. Just wondering why you were so bored at work you resorted to calling me. I thought I'll be the last one on the calling list. Well, nevertheless, I think I'm going to accompany you when you work this Thursday.

OMGOSH!

2009-01-10T01:52:00.005+08:00

I finally have a day off tomorrow. But if you want to know the private details, feel free to approach me to find out about it. (Dang, I sound like I'm doing my promotions again.) Nevertheless, I am so going to love tomorrow because I will love my ushering tomorrow as well. (Regardless of whether or not I get to watch the show. But I hope I do though. So at least I'm not losing out that badly. Anyway, had a lovely chat with Yu Xuan today. Walked around the NTUC with her. If I managed to see any of those bitches today, I would have done this:

Phone:
"Yes, what am I supposed to buy?"
"Oh, veggies?"
"Ok, cabbage it is."

Bitch:
"May I have one cabbage please?"

Phone
"What? You change your mind?"

Bitch
"Never mind, could you give me some apples instead?"

Phone:
"What is your problem? What exactly do you want? Ok, fine."

Bitch:
"Sorry for the trouble, 2kg of carrots would do just fine."
"Ok, you know what. On second thought, I don't have enough cash. Forget it. I shan't buy anything. Thanks for your service. Bye."

If you get what I'm trying to do, good for you. Oh well, I guess that's all for the night. It's rare that my dad actually didn't reprimand me for using the computer at such an unearthly timing (to him at least). Have a sweet dream my dear readers and I shall talk more about tomorrow, tomorrow night. Nights! And yes, I'm still very tired.

p.s. I can't get you off my mind and all I can do is keep singing Lily Allen's "Littlest Things" to think about you and picture a scene of us together. I can't spell laughter and jubilation without you in it.

WHAT?!

2009-01-09T00:35:00.005+08:00

I PRONOUNCE NOEL TEO GUAN YEOW DEAD THE VERY MOMENT HE STEPPED FOOT INTO HIS OWN HOME.

Work has killed him on the spot and his heart could not take any more of that work, causing him to die of weariness. (as he expected) His soul now prays for a better tomorrow and that there would be less conflicts and ordeals to go through for tomorrow's rough and tough day ahead. His devil mentions that all bitchings shall be done at the end of all his working days, which spells the fateful night - 11th Jan 2009. We shall see each other then for the complaints and more complaints. However, he might update his blog still. (tentative)

p.s. I hoped that you flirted less, but I doubt that would be possible. Usually, it would be TGIF, but now it's PDGF. (Please don't gimme Fridays) I pray that you would not be so much of a Casanova after the juniors enter the club, but I can't control you. All I can do is get jealous. =x Although I'm complaining so much, I still miss talking to you.

WORK!

2009-01-08T00:14:00.006+08:00

I got a feeling I"m going to die of weariness from tomorrow onwards. Or at least for the consecutive four days from now. It's because I'm juggling between 2 jobs. One is a voluntary usher work and the other is the giving out of postcards for $7/h. I had to get that job so as to refrain my mum from nagging at me. But, I think it's possible because my usher job is fun and a little bit slack. *giggles* I just hope I can make it in time for the usher jobs. I only have one hour to rush to the different venues. Plus, I'm not very confident of the venue I'm going tomorrow - The National Museum. DIE! Relax. I think I'll survive. Regarding the results, no I'm not nervous at all because it's not in any part of my brain. I'm locking up the storage until 12th Jan, then I will unlock the door and start to pump my heart at a faster rate. For now, chill and calm down everyone! Wish all of you the best of luck and I'm sure ALL OF US will achieve our goals!

p.s. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt. Flirt! That's all you do. I'm jealous and I can't control it. I hope I will be able to accompany you when it's your turn to work. But you know I can never stop loving you.

MISSED?

2009-01-02T17:15:00.005+08:00

DID MY FELLOW BELOVED FRIENDS AND BLOG READERS MISS ME? BECAUSE I MISSED YOU PEOPLE A LOT :D

I made a lot of friends there. That's one thing I'm proud of. But as a group, we made lots of enemies there. X.x I shall explain in details when I'm not so lazy or tired. For now, I shall find some small corner and draw circles [inside joke] whilst eating chocolates as an attempt.

p.s. I definitely missed you. THE MOST.

Prostitutes

2008-12-14T23:04:00.006+08:00

I have no idea why, but this idea of posting about them just struck me yesterday night. Partly because my dad was driving through Geylang and he kept asking me to look at them (I have no idea why). So, I decided to blog about them, not to insult them or whatsoever, but just to state my opinions.

Firstly, I feel that being a prostitute doesn't demean her. It depends on why she's doing it. From the shows that I watch before, I come to learn that some of them do it for their family (I don't know if in reality there are still such cases). But nonetheless, I hold great respect for those who do it due to this reason. Do you know how much they have to go through to support their family? I'm sure you don't, neither do I. These ladies definitely deserve an applause for their courage - their courage to do such "immoral" acts (according to the public) and bear the labels of being a 'slut' and 'whore' and all other sorts of mean words. Moreover, her neighbours will look at her skeptically and may even criticize her children. If the neighbours verbally insult her children, they may suffer from traumas in the future and thus being unable to move on in their lives. That's why, I hold my head high up for these brave mothers.

Secondly, to those who do it for desperate needs for money, I won't say they're demeaning as well. But I would rather they try and find a job (even if it's low-paid), than to gain money through this method. It would definitely be better and would save them from possibilities of getting VD or AIDS. I hope that they would respect their bodies and an alternative to survive. I know it's difficult, but I believe that it would be better to seek help from the government than to resort to this.

Lastly, some of them do it because they like it. I don't have much to say to them. I just hope that they can change their views on sex and also change their mindsets about things around them.

Well, the bottom line is this, "Not all prostitutes are demeaning." Some of them do it because they have their own reasons, some do it because the situation forces them to, while others do it maybe just because they like to (I really don't know). But I hope that the number of prostitutes in Singapore would really decrease. Perhaps they could even look for jobs en masse. Or perhaps set up some organization to help others (This sounds a little impossible, I know). Once again, I need to remind the public, the above are my own personal opinions and if you have an issue, you can tag at my board. Well, I'm off to msn again. Bye!

Buh-Bye!

2008-11-29T00:18:00.005+08:00

Thanks for all the lovely memories you gave me! I'll never forget you and I'll still miss you, but I'm still going back often, so it's alright. xD! You can always approach me for anything. Study hard and have fun yeah? My love for you will always remain in that small portion of my heart! <3

Links.Tags.Prom.Sick

2008-11-20T16:01:00.005+08:00

The title practically summarises everything in this post with 4 main words.

Nowadays, more and more people are actually going around to tag to say, "Hey! Link me please!" I mean, if you're close friends and all, sure, it's natural to do that. But if you hardly know the person and you go around asking people to link you, isn't that a little tad too weird? I have no idea whether these people are sincerely asking for people to link them or if they're just using others to make themselves famous and popular. I mean, come on! If you want people to link you just so that people will visit your blog more, admit it, you're an attention seeker.

Moving on...

The 2nd type of people I see is those that go, "I tagged!" This is DEFINITELY very POINTLESS. A tagboard is there for you to chat with your friends or spam them for fun or whatsoever. But it is definitely not there just for you to go there to say you tagged. What is the meaning in tagging someone's blog if you're tagging for the sake of tagging? If there's nothing you want to tell them, then don't tag! It kind of only makes you look like some pretentious creep. Furthermore, those who put a hyperlink in their names and say they tagged (most of them are not being linked yet), this is really fake. You're just beating around the bush, hinting to your friend that you want him to link you and at the same time, show that you actually went to his blog.

Lastly, I hate those who say, "Why you never tag me when you go to my blog?" These type of people are a little bit ridiculous. I'm visiting your blog to read your posts, not there to tag and show that I was present. You're actually just "forcing" them to tag to make your blog seem more lively. There's seriously no point in doing that because if no one wants to go to your blog, the tagboard will be empty once again. Period.

These are patterns that I notice which happen to some of my friends last time, or myself. I feel that if you really want someone to link you, please make sure your intention is not to gain fame but to in a way, easier for both of you to know about each other's lives better. As for the hosts, stop asking for people to tag if all you want is to make your blog look famous.

All these comments are my personal opinions. If you have any problems with them, you can always drop me a comment or talk to me personally.

About the pictures taken on Prom Night, I'm sorry but I won't be able to post them up so soon. Partly because my computer broke down and I have no idea when it will be fixed. Also because I will be having more on-goings recently and in mid till late December it'll be a study-and-play trip to Beijing and Nanjing.

P.s. I will miss all my friends from secondary school. I love you all! No doubt about that. I'm just worried if I can go to the upcoming chalets because I think I might be having slight fever. Sighs. Life is just full of obstacles and disappointment.

Stoning Away

2008-11-14T17:00:00.003+08:00

O's has LONG ended, and I mean LOOOOOOOOOONG. But it still as boring as ever! Believe it or not, when you say you will enjoy your holidays after O's, YOU WILL NOT! It's very boring everyday, all you do is sit at home and stone. Perhaps you can be like me and Hidayah, reverting back to our childhood by buying colouring books and puzzles to doodle and play with. Other than that, i have to wait for QUITE some time before all the FUN begins. See all of you at Prom!

I Need You

2008-10-11T19:55:00.002+08:00

Will you try to make me feel better? Will you stick with me through whatever or run away?

BORED

2008-08-11T20:28:00.003+08:00

oh my gosh, school is taking its toll on me day by day. i want to go school with you! actually it's ok since you need to sleep more. haha. oh well, let's hope things turn better. much better. seriously, tests are like murderers! ok, i'm going to go some where and hide and stone.

Little Wonders

2008-07-28T22:58:00.010+08:00

by: Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know,
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away somehow
but i cannot forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away, but these small hours,
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these little wonders still remain

i don't know about you, but i love this song! i think it's very nice!

p.s. cheer up, don't let me worry for you so much...if you talked more about it, i would feel much more happier and it would really bring me joy - the only few joys i have left in life...

Get Well Soon

2008-07-18T22:41:00.004+08:00

i seriously pray that my beloved xuan gets well soon. don't think otherwise, she's my class mate and one of my best friends. she's a very nice lady [bitchy and "xia lan" at times], but she's very good at keeping top secrets and very busybody[you can't seem to find her doing this]. i really hope for her to recover soon and get back in the pink of health so she can shout more "BITCH!" and other hilarious stuffs she always does.

i really felt sad this evening. i was scolded. i really hope it was purely because of your cranky mood. well, what can i say. if you really love someone, you don't mind it at all. see you in the dreamscape tonight again, yeah?

Saturday Is Love

2008-07-13T23:16:00.005+08:00

saturday was love people! i had so much fun in my life for the rare few times. especially rare since it wasn't with my clique, it was with the 2fantastics. they're a great bunch of people to hang out with! although in the beginning you get the idea that they are freaks and that they are a weird species of people. after you know them, everything changes. everyone was practically in the water at sentosa. i played for the first few minutes and got out because i had no extra clothing. i was cameraman for awhile. there was this dumb race i had with becky. and i used my "arcade games" method to win her. after many photo shoots, they continued on to play in the water while i slacked and looked at people playing volleyball. i was literally ogling at the ball. i kept helping people take their ball and throwing back to them. guess i was just too enthusiastic about volleyball. meanwhile, the bunch of kids swam all the way to the right, and climbed the rocks. this resulted in - injuries! they came back with scratches and i was the only few unharmed and dry ones. they then decided to take a bath. leaving ellsse, jing en and myself behind. kang long came back after his showers and we decided to play volleyball for real. i borrowed from the people whom i picked their ball umpteen times and stared at them play. the four of us really became "beach ball babes/hunks". i do not refer to our looks or physique, but it was the spirit we had while we were playing. it was like a combination of cca volleyball. kang long used basketball techniques to slam the ball, ellsse used badminton surfing to start the ball, jing en used dance jumps to hit the ball, while i used eldds' enthusiasm to play the game. this lasted for quite awhile because the ladies were taking a forever to bathe. later on, we realised it was because they were enjoying the bath. they said it was sensual. on the way to 7/11, kang long and myself saw this lady posing for photo shoots. there was only one photographer. we seriously think it's for fhm. i think nowhere else would there be photos so explicit. after which, everyone finally finished cleaning up and we all left fot vivocity again. we were all so bushed in the mrt, mainly myself. i slept through the ride again. in the end, only becky, ellsse, jing en and myself ate dinner. we were chatting and chatting. when we were finishing, there was this man who stared at us with this super unhappy face. i was still in the midst of drinking my coke float. that pissed me off. i mean, if i was having my last sips, i would get up. however, i was still having half a cup and the cup is not portable. it's one of those glass cups belonging to the food junction. so, why is it justified for me to leave the seat and drink while standing. after i finished, we gave the seats up and he still had this super sulky face. it's as if it's our fault for taking so long. ok, i'm sorry, get another seat if you want to. oh well, we all walked around for awhile and babbled. it was finally end of the day. we all separated and went on our way home. i suppose operation relaxation was a success then. some of the cute little kids i went out with were: stellar, rebecca, li chuang, jing en, shir-lynn, xiang lin, farron, you yuan, kelvin, alvin, kang long. they are a real cool bunch of people to hang out with.

p.s. i'm missing you so much! i want to go to school with you again. you and your lazy excuses.

Nightly Love

2008-07-10T16:59:00.004+08:00

as one of the denizens of the night, i believe i seek for more nightly loves rather than those in the days. i need more people to be online at midnight timings and more people for me to chat with. too bad everyone sleeps early. oh well, i can always just message someone random and say "hi! i'm here to be retarded!" but of course i'm not that mean. i will only message averil mainly? anyway, someone said i need a different type of love. and i went "whatevoir!" for your information, 'whatevoir' is actually another way to say 'whatever'. that's for me. homework is really piling up like nobody's business man. i really wish that i can just burn everything and get a certificate with many a's on it. but, it's confirm an impossible. so, i better start memorising my history full-time now. i really freaking hope to get at least one mango. it's "easy", according to mrs. ram's words of wisdom. oh well, life is always boring. i have to go bother someone and hug the person real tight now. see you soon. oh, and i finally regained my confidence and i made three prayers and many promises to God yesterday night. time for some change in the darkest moments of my life.

p.s. recover soon doreen genius neo min qi. come back school and bimbo around.

I Need You, Cough Sucks

2008-07-08T22:11:00.005+08:00

is it just me? or is life really boring. i'm practically wearing the same, old mask everyday to school. and on some days, questions such as, "why you wear your wristband? can you show it to me?" pop into my life to make it more miserable. this is called real misery. this is the point in life, you have no idea what to say to these people, because you are unsure of whether to tell them the truth, or to just tell them the truth later, or to just brush them off. for the recent ones, i used the brushing off. i was practically sick of it. if the person was speaking to me in a gentle tone, i will brush the person off politely. if the person was demanding for it like a enraged bull, i will brush the person off with a "i don't really want to talk to you" face and an irritated attitude. well, the bottom line is still the same - life is boring. i can only find bits and pieces of joy when i submerge myself in "socialising" with "you-know-who" and at least feel happy, at least for a min or two. now, not only is my sicknesses haunting me like mad, i'm so dog-tired just by staring at the amount of homework i have. 1 comprehension [tough one], 1 proposal to principal [3/4 unfinished], 1 history essay on league of nations [boring]. actually, it's not a lot. it's just mainly because my viruses are making it hardly possible for me to do anything at all. all you do 24/7 is cough and cough. how horrible is that? not only does it force me to stop my work, sometimes i feel like puking because of the excruciating pain i feel from all the continuous coughing. i think i'm falling in love with "you-know-who". oh well, let's hope there will be less pain and sufferings. [which i think most likely will since they're both very nice people.]

p.s. i feel like writing a book again, but this time, i think it's more of my life. so, i think it will turn out to be a journal novel. sounds like novelty to me.

I Love You

2008-07-01T18:14:00.003+08:00

i think one day i will really just kill myself. i mean, with so much comments i get from people, life has really been meaningless to me. this morning, i wasn't feeling one bit comfortable at all. i was wearing at least 3 masks. i knew i said the wrong thing, but i was shocked to see you so fierce. guess it was my fault that i just didn't understand you and didn't know you well enough. as tipped off by someone, you already like someone else. i'm unsure if this is where i want to end my life or should i just walk all the way, hoping to see some beam of light. i just really wish i could do something. i think my heart can hardly take anything that happens to me next. nasty comments? hurtful words? insensitive insults? which one would it be that pierces my heart to the wall? which one of these would i succumb to? how i wish all of these was just a nightmare. i could just wake up from it and live my life happily. but i guess it just ain't that easy. now all i really want, is you...

I Love You

2008-06-30T17:06:00.005+08:00

my mood was brought up by you today. today was literally a horrible day. i had to deal with someone whom talked to me just for the sake of not liking the looks of me wearing a wristband. i hoped she didn't do it out of gossip nor did she do it to throw her weight around. i also hoped it wasn't my two other friends whom told her about it and thus, she came to question me. i really hoped so. i believe everyone has their own human rights and i believe the privacy of my injured wrist is not a need for her to know. it's none of her concern that my wrist is injured. if she was worried, her tone would not have been authoritative and fierce. back to topic, you asked me to sit beside you on the bus today. i was really very happy. of course i couldn't resist myself from sitting next to you. somehow, you told me where you live randomly and i was taken aback a little. i thought you would not tell me for fear that i will look for you. oh well, i'm not that nuts to go search house by house. i asked you about the block issue and you replied with a, "i don't go online that often." i heaved a sigh of relief as i knew my instincts were right. now, i just hope to see you smile more i guess. i wish i could be by you every time...

I Love You

2008-06-29T21:44:00.005+08:00

i guess my mood is back to being emotional. i read off somewhere and found out about certain things again. guess life just isn't that fair. i thought the block had gone off, but i realized that it was still on. so, i supposed my guess that time was correct. scar is recovering now i think. although i know the block is on, you still treat me as per normal. i'm unsure if that is hypocritical or kindness. guess, it's the latter. i know you and i doubt you'll be someone who does those kind of stuffs. you're probably just running away from me. what can i expect? it's not going to happen and i know it. but still, i'm hanging onto that hope. that hope of you changing your mind. my heart is smashed into smithereens, but i know for sure it's not your fault. it has always been me and the one-sided thing. it was always the foolish me. so many people keep trying to tell me, but they don't know the truth. i know you're not like that. i know you're not...

I Love You

2008-06-28T21:49:00.005+08:00

yesterday night was cultural fiesta night once again. went there with a happy mood and actually went home with an unhappy mood. was high and delighted when i actually saw you. oh well, didn't manage to have any memories with you though. you disallowed me to. later on, the day just went on boringly and i was really tired out by everything. and i mean everything. supposedly, the gang and i planned to go lot 1. in the end, i was kind of uncomfortable with someone being around. i realized the true meaning of "if there's you, there won't be me". with that, i decided to just separate from the gang and went home alone. was just a little cheered up by sham with all the funny messages. and by the end of the bus trip i realized i have a lot of regrets and few wishes in my life so far:
i regret being to irritating...
i regret doing something you didn't like...
i regret making you feel intimidated...
i regret hurting myself...
i regret for not cherishing myself...
i regret telling you that...
i regret going around saying "bitch"...
i regret backstabbing a lot of people...
i regret being the laughing stock of almost everywhere...
i regret not really enjoying the moments the gang had...
i regret for not being truthful to some people...
i wish we could be together...
i regret my whole life of sins...
i wish life with you is possible...

p.s. cheer up yeah? i know sometimes life just doesn't go our way, so we kind of have to try and ignore the little things that piss us off. then we try and be peaceful and calm ourselves down, attempting to make our lives happier. i believe you can do a better job at that than me. i really love you, i do...

I Love You

2008-06-25T22:06:00.005+08:00

i'm a little happy now. although today wasn't much of a pleasant day, but i saw your blog post and i guess that brought my mood up. well, cfn is going to reach soon and i hardly have any weird ideas up my head[except the cat ears and devil stick and headband] most likely will turn up in normal clothing and wear those items. hope that's not too weird. haha. i feel like buying something again, but i'm not so sure if i'm allowed to. my grad show finally reaching, hope you'll support me if you know about it. support me morally is good enough. well, guess i'm going to drown myself in the river of passion and get myself drunk for feeling more love tonight...

p.s. doreen aka the bimbo, defeat the fever viruses with your dordorlaitis disease and i'm sure you'll be back up to the energetic bimbo again.

I Love You

2008-06-23T20:51:00.005+08:00

there it goes again. every time my emotion run out of the boundary, it will happen. it will always happen. now, it's like a gallery of scars. wish i had a chance to find out more about you. wish i knew what you were thinking. wish my heart would bleed less and wish that i would really be able to see that smile. yes, i'm going to die earlier one of these days. but not yet. just not yet. everyone keeps saying it's not worthy to love people like you. but i think otherwise. some even dislike you, but i rather brush them off than let them continue. if only my tears could really stop flowing. if only my happy ending was possible. the one between me and you...

I Love You

2008-06-21T14:19:00.004+08:00

now i know how you really feel. i'm don't have any right to say anything. it's your decision, i can't change it. but, i just feel so depressed. i'm sorry if it's a sin to love you...

I Love You

2008-06-21T00:50:00.005+08:00

i'm so bored. life is kind of boring without you i guess. i rather you sms me a message full of vulgarities and i laugh it off, than you never sms me at all. when i was in school today, i hoped to see you. oh well, let's just say its fate. when i went to the foyer, the other campers said the rest went home or they are on the next bus. apparently, i had to do some delivery stuffs so i didn't manage to stay and wait. doubt you were on the 2nd one anyway. well, life is really boring without you. yes, i admit i'm sad because you're there. but, like what wei sheng says, "at least your life is full of ups and downs/full of emotions". i rather it that way, than the way it is now. looks like absence really makes the heart grow fonder. really hope to see your smile again soon...

I Love You

2008-06-17T23:44:00.006+08:00

hey, back to update again, but i'm not so sure if it's suitable for all of you. mainly, it's the same old thing i'm going to blog about now and then i think. went for rehearsals last week for the human jukebox project [which is over] and went over to cheers. my first thought was just to get myself some curry puff so that i could eat it during the break, but i saw something else - these magnets with names on it and the meaning of the names. so, i searched high and low for the people i could think of [which included the person]. after finding all, i thought they were sold at 3 for $2, so i went to find 6 magnets. in the end, the lady said it costs $2.50 per magnet. so, i had to give up the rest of it. i bought only the person's magnet. haven't thought of how i'll give it to the person, maybe i'll just get someone to pass it because i think it'll be very awkward and the atmosphere would be very tense [for me]. oh well, i may buy something else also. but i'm pondering over what to buy [since my budget is always so low]. let's hope all these will be accepted by the person. my heart aches kind of stopped recently[though i'm still having struggles and rough nights]. i still have to play my psp until 2/4am to numb myself and forget any unhappiness, guess that explains why i look like a panda recently. really hope to see you soon...

I Love You

2008-06-06T23:53:00.007+08:00

saw you this morning. you walked over and say 'hi'. and i was standing there being shy and acting like some retard. if only i could say something else besides 'hi'. when i spotted you from faraway, how i wished that wasn't you. at least the situation won't be so awkward. i was glad, but i wasn't sure why nothing else could come out of my mouth. i was stuck for the first time. looking at the rabbit i bought reminded me of you. i'll be waiting...but i'm not so sure about you. you finally replied my sms as well, i was glad you weren't avoiding me. but now, i'll have to spend the night alone thinking about you. hoping it will happen. hoping that it would be possible between us. i am so near yet so far. i really dread the day i'm going to say goodbye. life is practically meaningless without you. do i have to give you up? i hope i won't leave this world on my own will. i hope you will be that hope for me to live in this world. i hope so. my heart aches for you...

Confirmed Dates & Time

2008-05-31T00:28:00.009+08:00

@Esplanade

13Jun, Fri waterfront:

Performance: 645-745pm ALL

14Jun, Sat:

Performance: 4-4.45pm concourse SER / GUAN YEOW (GY) / 1 PG artiste,

: 5.30-6.15pm waterfront SER / GY / AUDREY (AUD) / 2 PG

: 7-7.45pm waterfront SER / AUD / GERRARD (GER) / 2PG

15Jun, Sun:

Performance: 4-4.45pm concourse AUD / GER / 1 PG,

: 5.30-6.15pm waterfront GER / GY / AUD / 2PG,

: 7-7.45pm waterfront GER / GY / AUD / 2PG

PG: Panggung Artiste
AUD: Audrey
GY: Guan Yeow
GER: Gerrard
SER: Serina

Come and check us out yeah!

A Slice Of Life Story

2008-05-27T23:31:00.003+08:00

Hey people! Dellysda and myself are going to post up our own stories on this blog. DISCLAIMER: Don't read it if you feel you are not up for it. Don't bother getting grossed out, it's just a story.

I Love You

2008-05-25T15:42:00.005+08:00

Yes, I love you, but so? I mean, I know it's never going to happen between the both of us. Many people are telling me to move on, but I don't want to. It's easier said than done. True, at first I liked you because of your looks, but then that fateful day changed my mind. You knew I would be sad because I thought you were avoiding me, so you came over and said "Hi." That one word made my day. I mean, how many people out there whom I liked have avoided me and ignored me. Dozens. You were that rare one who actually cared about how I felt. I was delighted, but I knew this was giving me false hope. I knew that you would never go out with me. But I hung on to that hope. Even if you find yourself attached someday, I would give you my blessings. You know I'm not the type to break people up. All I know is you're in a bad mood now. I'm sorry if I caused you to have a bad day. But I love you, I really do...

2008-05-24T14:13:00.008+08:00

I GOT THROUGH THE AUDITIONS!

Come check me out at the Arts Festival on these dates@The Esplanade:
13/06 | 6:45pm-7:45pm
14/06 & 15/06 | 4pm-5pm/6:45pm-7:45pm

The timings for 14/06 & 15/06 are the same. I'll be in a jukebox waiting for you!

Please Get In!

2008-05-23T23:19:00.007+08:00

I'm so wishing that I can get through the auditions!I mean, I've been through a few auditions and interviews so far, but unfortunately they failed. However, this one is much more fun! If I get through, I'm going to invite all my friends to come. Haha! They can come and make fun of me for all I care. In school, they are not allowed to though. But this, is much more honourable. Haha! Oh well, if I get through, it would really be something worth celebrating for me. Moreover, I wish to get into the "Sexy" Jukebox! If Audrey gets in, she will be in the "Girl Next Door" Jukebox, Gerard will be in the "Hip-Hop" Jukebox, Serena will be in the "Classical-Jazz" Jukebox, Quraisya will be in the "Makcik" Jukebox and Shu Hua will be in the "Rock" Jukebox. But, these are all my guesses. Unless we get in, they won't come true. Anyway, "About Nothing Much To Do" was really funny and worth to watch. You get to see and listen to different races communicating in their own dialects and languages, PLUS, you get to laugh your ass off and you get to see Mr. Fita's FRIEND and get to know how professional people from "Panggung Arts" really are. I think it was kind of from this show I watched, that I got to know about the audition for the Arts Festival. Oh, I forgot. All these jukeboxes stuff are actually part of the Arts Festival @ Esplanade. So, if we all get in, come and check it out and start choosing your songs!

A new beginning

2008-05-22T23:28:00.001+08:00

Yes, in case you ask, this is my new blog, AGAIN. I'm a very lazy person who doesn't really update unless I find myself in love with a new blog skin again. So, don't expect much from this little blog, because I think it's going to be filled with emotional stuffs and all that kind of crap.